“Coconuts are ripe when they turn brown,” our Samoan instructor explained, then glanced at his mostly-white audience. “Some of you aren’t ripe yet.”

A wave of giggles followed, and the teacher kept the laughter going–scaling a palm tree, sharing some coconut water with a disgusted little boy, and cracking joke after joke to keep interest in his presentation. It worked, and he seemed to love hamming it up. Afterward, visitors were invited to try to build a fire the traditional way by twirling a stick into another hollowed twig. Some people were good at this and would have probably survived in ancient Samoa. I had a resident’s annual pass for two years running and never even got a spark.

The Polynesian Cultural Center, run by Brigham Young University’s Hawaii campus, is primarily staffed by Polynesian students representing their various countries of origin: Hawaii, Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, New Zealand, and Tahiti. Visitors circumnavigate a lagoon to visit villages representing the traditional culture of each nation, and are given the chance to learn hula, Tahitian ‘otea, Tongan drumming, and how to spin poi balls (I am not good at this either). Each nation village also includes a show and presentation, and many also have traditional games available to play. In New Zealand, for example, guests are welcomed into a convincing replica of a wharenui, a beautiful communal house and welcome hall, where dancers greet them with a pōwhiri, a welcome ceremony. The courtyard outside has poi balls to play with, and also sticks for the Stick Game (I am good at this. Stick Game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-T-94dvLrU). I have heard boring people complain that the PCC is cheesy, and maybe that’s true, but the goofy humor presented to the guests accurately represents many of my Polynesian friends. They love to have fun! The Cultural Center, like Polynesia in general, is not a place to visit if someone has an oversized ego. The islands don’t have room for difficult personalities.

I highly recommend all the dance performances, including those in the villages, on the floating parade in the lagoon, and the Ha: Breath of Life show (more on that later). I don’t especially recommend the luaus. The performances are wonderful, but the food has been “meh”. The Samoan luau had the best food, especially because it offered panipopo (sweet coconut bread) for dessert, but I’m still not sure that the quality justified the cost. Keep in mind, however, that I haven’t visited the PCC for several years, and it just barely completed a major revamp of the shopping center before I moved, including adding other restaurants. Luau menus may have been revamped too, so take this review with a grain of salt and see if current guests agree with me. The luaus are still pretty pricy regardless, and they do not serve alcohol, so that alone might be a deal-breaker for some. There are other food options now, however, so the luau is not a necessity, and with the extra time I recommend seeing the immersive film offered in the Hukilau Theater. It’s a gorgeous flyover of the islands, allowing visitors to see many places that are inaccessible by vehicle or foot, and I’m not ashamed to admit that when I watched it, just before moving away, it left me in tears. It broke my heart to know that I had to leave this beautiful place I loved so deeply. Hopefully it doesn’t have this effect on every guest, but even if it does…still worth it. You’d never be able to see most of these locations without being able to hire a private helicopter.

Now, about Ha: See it.  Be aware that there is a spiritual element to the show; it refers to a higher power and spiritual power within individuals. If you don’t like this? I’d honestly put up with it if at all possible. Being turned away by beliefs you don’t share will either prevent you from seeing a wonderful show or mar your enjoyment of a really good dance show. Seriously, it is one of the best, if not the best, dance shows in all of Hawaii. The outdoor stage allows for feats that simply cannot be performed in other locations, and the fire-knife finale never fails to raise gasps from the audience. The performances are legitimately amazing and deciding to skip Ha will be doing yourself a disservice. I think I’ve gone to see it six times, now? I’m not tired of it and honestly will probably order the DVD.